Emotional cheating or emotional infidelity (also referred to as an emotional affair), refers to having an emotional connection with someone usually of the gender to which you feel physically attracted to, without the knowledge of your spouse. It also involves being emotionally unavailable to one’s partner, which ultimately takes a toll on the relationship as a whole.
This is also irrespective of whether there is any sexual relationship involved with that person or not. Examples would include talking to this person for long periods of time, sharing your inner thoughts, seeking approval for new work related ideas, looking forward to their opinions for matters big and small, and so on.
The causes for why one gets involved emotionally with another person remains pretty much the same as responsible for extramarital affairs; since, emotional infidelity is a type of and often, a part of having an affair. At times, as psychologists, we also come across people who may be emotionally involved with another person, without realizing the same.
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The reason being that we often drift closer to another individual in a gradual manner because the emotional comfort we may have been seeking all this while, was being provided without being asked for from someone other than the partner.
So, how do you identify if you or your spouse is having an emotional affair with someone? Here are some of the most common signs of emotional infidelity:
Extra Marital Affairs Emotional Infidelity
- The most evident sign would be that you are withdrawing from your spouse, both emotionally and physically. You also find yourself looking forward to interacting with this other person and think of upcoming meetings and communications with them.
- Another important sign is that you prefer sharing your happy and sad moments, successes and failures with this person rather than your spouse, even if the latter is available for the same. Even when not together, you may be communicating with each other constantly.
- You also tend to feel that this person understands you better than your partner/spouse. There may be even frequent comparisons made between him/her and your spouse.
- Very importantly, you are keeping this friendship a secret from your spouse and you also discuss problems from your own relationship with this person.
If you find yourself or your spouse showing these symptoms, it’s important to address the same as early as possible. To begin with, honesty is of paramount importance here.
If you are the one having the emotional affair, be honest with yourself about what is really going on. Acknowledge why did you get close to someone else emotionally, in the first place? Understanding this will help you notice the areas in your relationship with your spouse that needs to be worked on.
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Same goes if it’s your partner showing these signs. Sit down with them and try to have a constructive conversation about what you have been feeling about their emotionally withdrawn behaviour and/or explain why you have been feeling emotionally withdrawn. Try to figure out common ground and ways to be more communicative with each other. Engage in healthy conversations about what could be going wrong, what you feel is missing and how can your partner amend ways to accommodate your emotional feelings.
Ultimately, all extra marital affairs are a choice we are making, irrespective of the reasons which may have fueled it in the first place. Being aware of your feelings toward your spouse and this other person you came across, can assist you in checking your feelings for someone before things go out of hand.
